What's Under His Cravat
by DayleLight
Summary: There's something different about their relationship, a mostly unspoken agreement. Levi will follow Erwin anywhere, so long as Erwin leads him. Levi wants Erwin to lead, to take control. And Erwin gives Levi exactly the thing to best represent their relationship, but it will have to remain their secret. Written for Eruri of the Month's June prompt: This is Our Secret.


The door creaked loudly as Levi nudged it open, light from the hallway spilling into the dark room. As soon as the bar and stools were illuminated with lamp light, far brighter than the candles that were already set up, Levi heard a quick intake of breath.

"So you are in here," Levi grumbled. He stepped inside and let the door close firmly behind him, not wanting any interruption.

There was a side area to the room, set off from the bar, with couches and a table next to the fireplace. Levi stepped around the corner in the wall to reach it, and saw a blond head turn at his approach. "Levi." Erwin's voice was calm and smooth, as usual. "What are you -"

As soon as he caught sight of Levi's expression, he stopped. As far as Levi could tell, his face was the same as it always was, but Erwin could always read his moods. "What's wrong?"

"That's what I came to ask you." Levi stepped around the couch. "After you ran off like you did…. And I find you here, sitting by yourself in the dark." His eyes glanced at the tumbler in Erwin's hand. "Drinking alone, too. If anyone found you like this, they'd think you were a real loser."

"Did I run off? I apologise, I didn't intend to. I just wanted a bit of alone time."

"To brood?"

Erwin didn't say anything else. He turned his head back to the cold, empty fireplace and took another sip of his drink. The candlelight coming from his other side set his profile on fire, the hook in his nose and his strong jaw glowing bright, and the few loose golden strands of his hair were ablaze. Levi swallowed, his mouth dry.

Levi returned to the bar, grabbed a glass, and reached over the couch and Erwin's shoulder for the bottle Erwin had opened. Levi didn't even know what it was, and didn't care to check. He didn't drink much. Alcohol had never really given him that pleasant buzz people spoke of. Other things had, but he'd been smart enough to let those habits die.

"Let me join you, at least. That way nobody else will find you hiding alone in the dark like this."

"Misery does love company, I'm told."

Levi froze, surprised, and had to remind himself to pour the drink. Unable to voice the real emotion he felt, he settled for confusion. "What has gotten into you?"

"Sorry, I think the drink is getting to me."

Levi felt uncomfortable as he rounded the couch and sat next to Erwin, like he didn't belong. It was like they had gone back in time, to when Erwin was nothing to him except a superior officer. It would have been very rude, then, for Levi to be this presumptuous.

"You make a sorry sight."

"Well I did try to be alone. I can't say I'm fit for much company."

"Why is it easier alone?" It bothered Levi, to a degree that felt childish, that Erwin wanted solitude right now. Levi should let him have it. But he was selfish.

"I don't know. Because I don't have to pretend?" Erwin drained his glass.

"Pretend what?"

"What do you think?" Erwin poured himself another glass, but Levi reached out and put a hand over the rim to stop him before he could bring it to his lips. Erwin turned to face him, and only now did Levi see that Erwin's bright blue eyes were glittering with unshed tears.

Shocked, Levi pulled his hand away, and Erwin slowly raised his drink. He sipped, and Levi didn't stop him. Erwin didn't blink, and the tears did not fall.

Erwin spoke again, quietly. "All those people. Kids, really. It feels like they get younger and younger every year."

"Why didn't you tell me you felt like this?"

"Is this really something you want to see? Me acting like a total hypocrite? After all that talk about not dwelling on guilt and regrets, and then sitting here wallowing in it. I bet you thought I was made of tougher stuff. You didn't sign up for this."

"What did I sign up for?" Levi looked down at his own drink and then downed it with a shrug. He may as well. It couldn't hurt, and it tasted nice. "What am I to you?"

"Oh, Levi, you're… everything." Erwin's lips twitched up in the corner, like the ghost of a smile. "Everything I could ever ask you to be. You're my captain. You're my right hand man. You're… you're my best friend."

"'Best friends?' Is that your way of letting me down gently?"

"Someone's sensitive today. I didn't mean you _weren't_ my lover. I just thought you wanted something a bit more specific. A bit more poetic."

"You thought I wanted something poetic?"

"... You're right. That is silly."

"Alright. So I'm your best friend, I'm your right hand man; I'm this, I'm that. Why don't we just make it easy? I'm yours."

Erwin's eyebrows knitted together. "Huh?"

"I'm yours," Levi repeated, and it felt good to say it. He put his glass on the table, and turned over to straddle Erwin's lap, grabbing the man's wrist to stabilise it so he wouldn't drop his own glass. "I belong here with you. I'm here for you. Why would I ever not want to see the real you?"

"Because it's pathetic, sometimes?"

"Why did I stay here? Why did I join the Scouts?"

"Be-because…. You're fighting for the cause. To save humanity."

"I'm here for you."

"You said that."

"And you're not listening." Levi took Erwin's glass and set it on the table behind him, then brought one hand up to cup the side of Erwin's face. "You're a man. Not an idea. Not a cause. There's a real man in there. And he matters. All your hopes and dreams may never come to pass if you let that man in there die. I'm here for him. To protect him. You've got to let me see him."

Erwin sounded like he'd lost his breath when he answered. "Alright."

"Don't try to deal with it alone, OK? You asked me to save humanity with you. We're in this together. I'll follow you to hell, you know. But I need you to lead, if I'm going to follow." Levi leaned in, pressed a chaste kiss to Erwin's brow.

"And I mean you. Not the commander." Levi made sure to lock eyes with the other man. "If I'm going to be yours, you need to be responsible for it. I don't give myself to just anybody, you know."

"Then I'll have to be certain to remain worthy of you." Erwin wrapped his arms around the man in his lap, who had given him everything, and kissed the side of his neck.

* * *

Levi willed his fingers to relax, slowly releasing the sheets from his death grip. He gasped audibly in the warm evening air, his heavy breathing joining the chorus of crickets that could be heard from the open window. His back was covered in sweat and come and bruises, and his muscles were quivering with exhaustion. Erwin had really put him through his paces.

The mattress dipped under the larger man's weight as he returned to the bed, grabbing at Levi's hips and pulling them up.

"Seriously?" Levi whined, even as he moved to comply with the wordless request to get up. "You can't possibly be ready to go again."

Erwin chuckled. "No, not quite." He splayed his hand across Levi's chest and lifted him up, and Levi moved with him, until he was sitting up on his knees, his back pressed against Erwin's front. Levi was turning to look over his shoulder at his partner, when Erwin said, "Stay still, for a moment."

So Levi held still as a strap of leather was brought over his head and wrapped around his neck. Suddenly he felt frozen to the spot, and wondered if he would even be able to move if he wanted to. The leather was softly padded inside. It sat heavy on his collarbones, but comfortably. Erwin's fingers deftly moved over the buckle until it was secure. Then those hands rested warm and solid on Levi's shoulders.

"I was thinking about the conversation we had the other day. About other conversations we've had. About the things you've said you wanted from me, from this relationship. You've mentioned this in passing, never too seriously. So I thought we could try it, and you could see how you felt about it."

Levi remembered that there was a mirror facing them from the dresser, and he twisted to see himself in it. A collar on his neck. Erwin's collar on his neck. His hand grabbed at it, his brain unable to process any further than that. It felt like something was stuck in his throat.

"Is it too much?"

"I love it. It's perfect." It was a light brown, just like the straps for their 3DMG, and the buckle matched the gear too. And there was the extra padding. Erwin had made this for him, hadn't he?

"I'm glad." Erwin gathered Levi up in his arms and kissed the crown of his head.

"It was a mistake to do this after the sex," Levi said bluntly. "Now you've got me all excited again."

"From this?"

"Your romantic gestures get me all hot and bothered. Even the lame ones, I'm ashamed to admit."

Erwin's laugh rumbled in his chest, against Levi's ear. "You'll have to wait a bit, I'm afraid."

Later in the evening, after they'd washed and changed, Erwin reached for the collar, and began to undo the buckle. Levi's hand snapped up to stop him. "What are you doing?"

"Taking this off."

"Why? You're gonna do something like that and then take it back? That's unfair."

Erwin gave Levi a bemused smile. "You're going to sleep in it?"

"I was going to live in it. I had no plans to take it off, except to bathe."

Erwin's hands came up to cup Levi's face and he kissed him. "The idea will always be there, I promise. But you couldn't wear it all the time. People would notice it."

Levi sat back and huffed at the logic. Then he got an idea. "You know that cravat I wear sometimes? I can just wear that all the time. Then no one will see."

"Levi -"

"It would be our secret. Unless you don't want me to. I'm not trying to… push you into -"

"No, of course I don't mind. Just… are you really going to wear it all the time?"

"Just you watch."

"I should have gotten you something nicer."

"It's perfect." Levi grabbed his cravat and stood in front of the mirror, tying it experimentally to see how well it worked. It covered it completely. Like it was meant to be. He turned around to show Erwin, leaning casually against the dresser and lifting his head, showing off the cloth tied around his neck, and nothing else.

"They'll never know," Erwin conceded.

"Our little secret," Levi said smugly. He liked the idea.

True to his word, Levi practically lived in it. Levi would often reach up to touch it, when he wanted the reassurance. It should have been embarrassing, but he saw no reason not to give in to his little indulgence. It was a secret after all, and the only one who understood the gesture would never judge him for it.

One time, after a particularly bad expedition, worse even than the one that had precipitated their conversation at the bar, Levi had wandered down to the break room in nothing but his trousers and a loose button up shirt. Erwin had stepped in and frozen at the sight of Levi in the clothes he usually lounged in, sitting on the couch with Hange, Moblit, and Nanaba, with his legs curled under him. Erwin's eyes had shot to Levi's neck before he made his way to sit on the couch.

Levi had shifted to make space for Erwin, who had taken the seat stiffly. Then Levi had melted into Erwin's side without thinking about it, and the blond had relaxed. Erwin hadn't commented on it, but he'd sat with Levi that night, and talked to him as he did his friends, indeed, in the way that he had talked to Levi when he really had first become his friend, but not yet something more. Looking back on that night, Levi was glad to know that no matter what, it seemed they'd have always had that.

It was only when he'd been about to get up to go to sleep that Levi even realised he had left it behind, his hand shooting up to his naked throat. He looked at Erwin.

"I'm sorry."

"That's alright."

"It doesn't mean… anything." But it did. He had forgotten.

"I just assumed you were unavailable for tonight. In that way."

"I don't ever mean to be unavailable to you. You had a shit day too."

"It's OK to take some time for yourself, Levi. I understand, believe me. Just having you here, like this, is enough. Having you around is all I need."

It wasn't the only time Levi had gone out without Erwin's gift on him, but those moments were few and far between.

After the funeral, Hange and Levi walked back to the barracks in silence. How could they voice their pain, after everything they'd been through? He wanted to comfort his friend, and receive comfort in return, but he just couldn't reach out. Levi felt frozen, like time had stopped on that rooftop.

They reached Levi's door and he grabbed the handle when Hange stopped him, pulling him away from the door and into a crushing hug. Tears leaked from Hange's one eye and onto Levi's shoulder.

Slowly, he brought his arms up and around Hange's waist. "I'm sorry." It was his fault. He had made the decision.

Hange pulled back a bit, to look at him, and shook their head. "Don't be." Then he was pulled close again.

They must have stood there for a few minutes at least, before Hange let him go and left him. He entered his room silently.

Levi made his way over to the dresser and picked up the thin piece of leather. He pulled his cravat off and set it aside, then settled the collar on his neck, buckling it up. He had been unable to bear the thought of wearing it, but now he felt he couldn't bear the thought of leaving it behind.

 _Even now, I'm yours._


End file.
